Sonic Reviews Games
by WackyJaber
Summary: Sonic gets a very special package in the mail one day from Sega, telling him to review a bunch of games all as a part of a social media promotional campaign. Hi-jinks ensues as he has one special guest after another appear on his video show. [[Characters: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and probably more]] Rated D: For Dumb.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters:** Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, maybe others in later chapters

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic characters, or the Sonic Series. Sega owns them. All characters, places, and events are works of fiction and parody. The author does not condone youtube let's plays and reviews, haha.

**Art:** I can't find the artist, sorry :p

**Reviews:** Please leave a review! I really do want to know what you all think of this so far.

**Part 1: The consoles**

Twas yet another day in the Mystic Ruins and Sonic was cheerfully lounging on Tails couch, kicking his feet up, and listening to his favorite music through his favorite pair of ear buds.

"Sonic!"

Tails crashed through his door, breathing labored as if he had just done a marathon. Sonic still had his eyes closed and didn't move at all.

"S-Sonic!" repeated Tails, stumbling over while gripping his sides. "Come on, why aren't you responding to me?!"

The fox boy leaned in as he gripped the couch's arm rest. Upon closer inspection he noticed that Sonic's ear buds were, in fact, air pods. Tails gasped before sternly grabbing the cord and yanking them out causing Sonic to yelp and clasped his hand against his now rather sore ear.

"Ow! Geez, Tails. Why'dja do that? Couldn't you have just said something?"

Tails' expression blanked.

"So," began Sonic, sitting up. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, right!" said Tails, thrusting his fist against his palm. "Something came for you today, Sonic. It's *really* important."

"Really important, you say?" scoffed the blue hedgehog, leaning back with a smirk. "Well I guess it has to be if it's getting you this excited. So, come on, tell me what it is."

Tails had a brimming smile on his face as he rushed back out through the door he just came in, returning soon later shoving a large cardboard box inside with his back against its side. He grunted heavily as he tried shoving through the doorway until it finally popped in through, causing him to stumble and fall onto his back by the box's side.

"Hmm…"

In a flash of a moment Sonic appeared next to Tails, glancing at the mailing address stickered on the box's side.

"Who's it from?"

"It's from Sega," replied Tails excitedly from the floor. "I think this is a new social media promotional technique they're trying to use?"

"A promotional technique?"

"Yes, a promotional technique!" repeated Tails, peeling himself off the floor to look at Sonic with annoyance. "A letter came with the box saying there's a bunch of game consoles inside and that they want us to review games. Apparently it's all the rage these days."

"Woot! I don't know about you guys, but reviewing games sounds like fun."

Both Tails and Sonic glanced around as they heard the new voice, spotting Knuckles standing just a few feet away. They stared at him in completely wonder as both had failed to notice that he was even there.

"Uh… Knuckles?"

"Yes?"

"How long were you standing there?"

Knuckles crossed his arms and put on a sour face.

"Come on, you guys. I've been here since breakfast. Didn't you notice the eggs and bacon I layed out for you?"

"Honestly I thought Tails made it," said Sonic.

"And I thought Sonic made it," said Tails. "But more importantly, Knuckles, I thought you were supposed to be guarding the Master Emerald."

"Pssh…" said Knuckles dismissively. "Please, that hasn't been apart of my character for, like, at least several games now."

Sonic and Tails nodded their heads in understanding. It was all too true. Then they all turned their attention to the box, grinning in anticipation as they opened it up in a caffetie of bubble wrap and styrofoam. Soon more consoles than Sonic had ever owned in his life were all unboxed and standing on the coffee table in full glory between the couch and the television set.

"Wow," said Knuckles in awe. "Now, I don't know about you, but I can't wait to through out that dusty old Sega Genesis of yours and plug these babies in. Pixel graphics are just so several generations ago."

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

In the blink of an eye, Sonic ran over to his precious plastic baby and held it protectively as he stared at the two in horror.

"You'll not throw my baby out! There's no way for it to defend itself! How will it eat!? We've been through too much with each other!"

Moments later, Sonic was sobbing in the corner as all the new consoles were hooked up into the television. It was a new television set as well, as the one used to play the Genesis was an old CRT monitor that really could only play really old consoles.

"Holy moly! This new tv is amazing!" yelled Tails, his eyes wide with aw as he flipped it on. "Not only is it 4k, but it's also got Netflix, Disney Plus, HBONow, Amazon Prime, Hulu, and DC streaming services all bundled on it!"

"I could literally watch television forever now," realized Knuckles out loud, already feeling his back fusing to the cushions as he became a couch potato. "And I'd never have to leave."

"Anyway," said Tails, flipping a switch to begin the recording. "I guess we should start our first review just reviewing the consoles themselves. So, Sonic, what are your first impressions of them?"

"None of them could ever replace the Genesis," sobbed Sonic, sliding into his seat next to them. "But, uh… I guess that cubish one in the corner kinda looks neat."

The other two turned to look at the one he was talking about which was sitting far to the right nearly completely eclipsed by all the others.

"Which one is that called, Tails?" asked Knuckles.

Tails fumbled around with a piece of crumpled up paper as he straightened out a complete list of all the game console's names.

"Uhm… I think that one's called the Ouya."

"Neat. Does it have a lot of games?"

Tails looked at Sonic and just shook his head sadly. Sonic made a grimace before pointing at the pile of large obelisks that were black like blocks of ebony rock.

"Well those all look really similar to each other, so I guess I'd grade them all the same. C plus, I guess. Not very original in design but I guess they're alright. Do they have games?"

"Yeah," Tails answered. "They all pretty much have the same games."

"Okay then," said Sonic. "Yeah, a C plus sounds about right then."

"A lot of them are Sonic games though."

"Ooh! Then they get A's as far as I'm concerned! So what about this one?"

He picked up a large, almost tablet like console that was lying in front of him. It had a smooth surface with thumbsticks and buttons on the sides of it.

"That's a Nintendo-"

"F."

Sonic tossed it over his shoulder sending it crashing behind him. Knuckles guffawed.

"Hey! I actually really like that console! It's the only one with controllers that don't break when I get too upset when I'm playing multiplayer games!"

"Wait, so you've played some of these before?" asked Tails, looking at Knuckles with one eyebrow raised.

"Well you've got to do something to pass the time when you're standing around guarding the Master Emerald with no one to talk to," huffed the red echidna. "Not like I had Netflix on my floating island…"

All three of them just sat in awkward silence after that, not knowing quite how to respond to that bit of information until Sonic broke the silence with a cough.

"Well I guess that's the end of this segment of Sonic reviews. I hope this makes you happy, Sega execs. Until next time, where we'll review… uh… well we'll review something, that's for sure."

* * *

The video ended there as Eggman closed it out.

He howled with laughter as he rubbed his palms together.

"Oh foolish Sonic, you fell right into my plan!" he said. "You didn't get those game consoles from Sega. You got them from me! And it's all apart of my master plan to keep you too busy burying yourself in video games and fighting youtube copyright laws to fight me as I take over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He then leaned back in his chair and picked up a nearby controller laying on his armrest.

"And I'll get right onto making those plans as soon as I beat this Dark Souls boss."

The screen flashed YOU DIED as he was eaten by a bunch of demon dogs yet again; then there was a crash as Eggman threw the controller sending it smashing right through the tv.

**[Author's Notes]**

[Welp I hope you all enjoyed this story I wrote. It's just meant to be a fun waste of time that I'm hoping I'll keep interested in. And if you like it then please leave a review or favorite it let me know there's interest in continuing with the concept. And if you want a game or something reviewed by Sonic specifically then let me know in the review or a pm, I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters:** Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, maybe others in later chapters

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic characters, or the Sonic Series. Sega owns them. All characters, places, and events are works of fiction and parody. The author does not condone youtube let's plays and reviews, haha.

**Art:** I can't find the artist, sorry :p

**Reviews:** Please leave a review! I really do want to know what you all think of this so far.

**Sonic Reviews: Tetris**

A morose Sonic stood on the shoreline, staring out at the waves crashing against the cold uncaring cliff side a mile off as he wore a contemplative look. An hour later he was in bed, staring up at the ceiling fan of Tails workshop while a low droning sound came from his mouth without a break in its consistency. Later still, he sat at a table, face planted up against the flat wooden surface.

"Oh come on, Sonic. This is getting dumb. Just decide already."

Tails was standing a few feet away from the hedgehog, looking annoyed while he crossed his arms. In response, Sonic whined loudly, sounding pathetic.

"But it's so hard, Tails!" he cried. "I just don't know what game to review first!"

"Just pick anything!"

Sonic's head shot up as he turned to look at his friend. His face was red from where it was pressed against the table as it slowly returned back to its normal shade. He looked panicked with a forced shaky smile.

"But what if I pick poorly, Tails!? Should I pick something classic and retro, or something modern and relevant?! Should I review my own games? Should I review *shudders* N-Nintendo games?"

Tails clamped his hand on Sonic's shoulder.

"Sonic…" said Tails, smiling encouragingly. Sonic blinked, not expecting this from his best friend. Usually it was him trying to comfort him. He felt a pang of pride of how much Tails has grown. "... I have no idea what to do either."

Sonic blanked, the pride he felt sinking like a stone.

_Pop! Pzzzt!_

_Schlurp._

"Why don't you just use one of those randomizer programs on the internet?"

Knuckles slurped from a soda can as he watched the two from his bean bag chair. He slouched, smacking his lips before smashing the empty can against his forehead completely crushing it.

"Oh, also you're out of pop."

"Well…" said Sonic, pulling Tails hand off his shoulder. "As much as it pains me to admit that Knuckles had a good idea. That sounds like a smart thing to do."

Knuckles frowned.

Tails nodded his head.

"I agree. It's a horrible thing to admit."

Knuckles' brow furrowed.

* * *

"Welcome to the second episode of Sonic Reviews Games."

Sonic leaned back on the couch, one hand gripping the armrest while the other held a clearly fake plastic toy pipe to his lips that blew bubbles as he puffed on it. Tails stood behind the camera stand, making sure everything was recording while mumbling grumpily, wondering why Knuckles couldn't do this.

"Today, we'll be reviewing-" Sonic looked at the flat of his palm where something was scribbled hurriedly in marker. "Tetris!" He put his hand down and grinned. "And thanks to our contacts at Sega we have a special guest, T shaped Tetris block, who is here to tell us all about his incredibly consistent and undying series of games."

The camera pans over to the other side of the couch where a T shaped stack of blocks leaned against the arm rest, completely still.

"Uh… Sonic?" began Tails.

"Thanks for being here with us. I really appreciate it," said Sonic to the block. It sat in silence. Sonic leaned in closer. "Psst… can you tell me how you do it? Put out the same game over and over again without anybody getting upset? I mean it's literally the same game every time."

The T shaped blocked was silent and continued to lean on the arm rest propping it up.

"Sonic, I don't think-"

"Wow, what a surprising answer!" said Sonic. "I'll have to try that sometime! I never would have thought there was so much effort in programming a bunch of falling blocks."

"Wait, can Sonic actually hear it talk?" asked Tails, not realizing the mic was picking him up.

"Oh, I see how it is!"

The camera suddenly quickly pans over to Knuckle standing in the doorway, a scowl burnt onto his face as she stomped angrily over to a confused Sonic.

"First you make fun of me, and now you're trying to replace me with a bunch of blocks, huh? Well I won't have it!"

The red echidna grabbed the T shaped block and and threw it on the ground in a quick motion while both Sonic and Tails watched in horror, breaking it into a pile of broken pieces.

"Knuckles!" screamed Tails. "You killed him! Sonic, what are we going to-?!"

He trailed off as he saw his friend puffing on his toy pipe calmly, wondering how he could remain so leveled headed after what they both just witnessed. Finally, Sonic stopped puffing and waved his finger with his familiar trademark smirk.

"Calm down, Tails. That was just a bunch of bricks I cemented together and painted purple."

"B-But you were talking…"

"Yeah," Sonic shrugged. "That was just a dumb bit I was doing. Wasn't all that funny after the first few seconds anyway. I'm glad that it's over before it even really began, but anyway… Knuckles you okay bud?"

"Yeah," said Knuckles with a sniff as he tried to look stoic. "I'm okay…"

Sonic didn't seem to buy this for a second and leapt off the couch, tossing aside his toy pipe.

"Come on, Knucks. You didn't think we were actually going to replace you with a bunch of blocks, right?"

"Yeah, well, you seem to think I'm about as smart as a bunch of blocks."

Sonic tsked.

"Nah, Knuckles. It's not like that. We don't really think you're dumb."

"Yeah!" said Tails encouragingly, abandoning his position behind the camera as he walked up to his echidna. "We were just joking around with you before, Knuckles. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings. We'd never try and replace you."

Knuckles was making a face as obvious tears started to swell from his eyes, but the way he tried to hold them back was absolutely hilarious as it looked like he was holding his breath.

"I-It's not like I care," he insisted. "Pft, I knew that Tetris block wasn't real in the first place so, like, whatever."

Laughing, both Sonic and Tails went in to give Knuckles a tight hug of ultimate friendship. Knuckles, for all his worth, began to turn blue as he held his breath in more while trying to hold back an even stronger torrent of tears.

_Slam!_

"T block! Noooo!"

A giant square block stood in the doorway, staring at the rubble that used to be his friend.

All eyes in the room went wide with shock as Sonic, Tails, and more importantly, Knuckles broke out in a cold sweat.

* * *

"So Sonic," began Tails. "You haven't really reviewed Tetris yet this entire time. Wanna spend these last moments giving it a score?"

"Eh," replied Sonic. "I mean, it's basically the same game every time without change. I don't really see the point of scoring it. If you've played one you've played them all."

"Well, actually," said Knuckles. "Some of them are really different. Tetris 99, for example, is almost like a battle royale as-"

"Tetris has a battle royale now too!" said Sonic in alarm. "Okay, this genre is officially completely oversaturated."

"Well at least it's brought us closer together," said Tails with a chuckle.

The camera zooms out as it reveals all three of them tied together with a rope and their feet and hands bound while they sit in a small space between a large row of Tetris blocks. One long straight blocks slowly falls down from the ceiling towards them.

"Truly, what the kids call, a gamer moment," said Knuckles, nodding his head.

_The End. Of the Review…_

**[Author's Notes]**

[Woops, I messed up. Meant to have this chapter out by Friday but it's Saturday. Why is this? I mean, it's not even that long and I don't even spell check or grammar check, right? Well the answer is quite simple. I'm a lazy beyond imagining and don't deserve your favorites, reviews, or follows. (but please do that anyway I need the attention .) And I was also playing a huge amount of Sonic Generations trying to one hundred percent it which I still haven't accomplished. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this unbelievably stupid chapter in the Sonic Review Games Saga. Next time maybe I'll have Sonic review something more popular.


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